I had some time today
to slow down
and check in
and connect with God
in a way I can't
when I am running.
But I couldn't settle.
I kept seeking out one more project to do,
one more chore,
one more thing I needed to check online
or read or research.
And then I settled in, and read this:
"At any given moment,
we all have an number of worries, fears,
guilt feelings, bad memories, and things we are procrastinating
about that we are simply putting out of our minds.
The difficulty with space,
especially interior spaciousness of soul,
is that it allows such repressed and suppressed annoyances
back into awareness.
When I pause for a moment and let my mind settle down, what comes in?
The things I have put off,
the worries I have been avoiding,
the bad feelings I have stifled.
Space is like sunlight
and fresh air
toward which the buried uglies of our souls crawl
in search of healing."
Exactly what I was avoiding --
the "buried uglies" of my soul.
But I knew God wanted them to come out,
to be healed in his presence,
to receive a touch of his grace,
to be let go,
so that the grace,
and kindess of God
could fill me up instead.