I am a terrible sick person.
I rail against being sick. I hate it. I fight it. I try to doctor myself. I can’t rest well. I try to stay productive even though my head is pounding like a freight train.
And this tells me something about myself:
I have a hard time being human, being vulnerable, being weak.
And this tells me even more about myself:
I have a hard time surrendering to the truth of the moment; I want to create my own reality.
I have a hard time letting God be God; I want to run the show.
I have a hard time giving up control, dropping the reins, saying to God, “Thy will be done …”
And so today, on my second full sick day, I am going to practice “the discipline of being sick.”
It is a new spiritual discipline I just made up.
And it looks like me being kind to my very human and frail body. It looks like surrendering to the sick day rather than fighting it. It looks like resting, rather than railing against my need for rest. It looks like finding joy in the space and time away from productivity rather than struggling to be productive in the pain.
It looks like trusting that God can take care of the universe very well on His own, thank you very much, without my teeny-tiny bit of assistance.
It looks like giving in to the fact that I am human after all.
In the end, it looks very much like actually trusting God.