After months of teaching, I yearned for a few days with no words.
And then I got an afternoon free ...
So I sat down.
And I was quiet.
And I was restless ...
I felt unnecessary. Lazy. Ineffective. Useless.
Seriously? How ridiculous is that? I kept looking at the clock, thinking, "Shouldn't I get up and do something?"
And then I remembered what Gerald May wrote in his book "The Awakened Heart."
"It is an addiction of the first order that we feel we must always be filling up our spaces.
It goes along with our addiction to work, to productivity, to efficiency."
Ok, I thought to myself ... nothing to worry about here.
I am just experiencing withdrawal, the "shakes" that come when I wean myself off my drug of choice - which most recently was busyness, noise, thinking I had important things to say.
All I need to do is wait it out. Sit here until my body and soul realize they've been cut off.
It will be ok.
I can settle into this silence, this new pace, this space.
And God will fill it; He always does.
May He become my new drug of choice. Amen.