Why is my heart so sad?

Can I be honest for a moment?

I am struggling today ...

My motivation is low.

I have had a hard time sleeping.

Anxiety lurks just below the surface.

I miss the normal rhythm of my days, my weeks, my life. It anchored me.

I miss my friends and family.

I miss meals with my extended family.

I miss casual conversations with neighbors at the grocery store.

I worry about our country, our world.

I am finding it hard to frame up my day in a way that feels satisfying.

Everything feels "off" and disconnected somehow.

I try to regroup, I try to reframe my goals, I try to find gratitude for the small things.

I understand how fortunate I am to be "stuck" at home and not forced to be out, forced to work a dangerous job, forced to work while sick. For these things, I am truly grateful.

But you know what?

This is still hard.

I still feel sad.

I feel unmoored. 

Uncentered.

Unfocused.

Sometimes, even a little bit unhinged.

It helps me to know that sometimes King David felt the same way I feel. 

In Psalm 43 he cries:

Why am I discouraged?

Why is my heart so sad?

I know, David, I know!

Why?

It is ok to ask these questions. It is ok to feel these feelings.

It is ok ...

But there is a bit of grabbing ourselves by the collar that needs to happen.

At least it does for me.

I can immerse myself in the sadness, the discouragement, the concern, for just a little bit.

I can acknowledge what I am feeling.

I can be honest with myself and others.

And then ...

I take myself by the collar and I say, along with King David:

I will put my hope in God!

I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!

And I will put some music on,

I will call a friend,

I will e-mail a lonely relative,

I will take all my concerns to God.

I will walk the dog.

I will put a pot of beans on the stove.

And I will face this day with hope, gratitude, praise and fortitude.

God is near.

God is always near.