Can I be honest for a moment?
I am struggling today ...
My motivation is low.
I have had a hard time sleeping.
Anxiety lurks just below the surface.
I miss the normal rhythm of my days, my weeks, my life. It anchored me.
I miss my friends and family.
I miss meals with my extended family.
I miss casual conversations with neighbors at the grocery store.
I worry about our country, our world.
I am finding it hard to frame up my day in a way that feels satisfying.
Everything feels "off" and disconnected somehow.
I try to regroup, I try to reframe my goals, I try to find gratitude for the small things.
I understand how fortunate I am to be "stuck" at home and not forced to be out, forced to work a dangerous job, forced to work while sick. For these things, I am truly grateful.
But you know what?
This is still hard.
I still feel sad.
I feel unmoored.
Sometimes, even a little bit unhinged.
It helps me to know that sometimes King David felt the same way I feel.
In Psalm 43 he cries:
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I know, David, I know!
It is ok to ask these questions. It is ok to feel these feelings.
It is ok ...
But there is a bit of grabbing ourselves by the collar that needs to happen.
At least it does for me.
I can immerse myself in the sadness, the discouragement, the concern, for just a little bit.
I can acknowledge what I am feeling.
I can be honest with myself and others.
And then ...
I take myself by the collar and I say, along with King David:
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!
And I will put some music on,
I will call a friend,
I will e-mail a lonely relative,
I will take all my concerns to God.
I will walk the dog.
I will put a pot of beans on the stove.
And I will face this day with hope, gratitude, praise and fortitude.
God is near.
God is always near.